Jesus Was a DJ

DJs, many of whom are religiously affiliated, are another vendor to be aware of. They get put in the corners of exhibition halls, because they like to demonstrate how their sound systems will get you rocking at your reception. I think a lot of them double as radio personalities in their free time, or maybe it is the other way around. They bring a DJ voice and animation level normally used to enliven the mood over the airwaves. Except now, it’s all right in front of you. Imagine the American tourist abroad who learns that the waiter doesn’t speak English and raises his voice for better comprehension. Such is the way of hearing the Lord.

“HEY, THERE’S A LUCKY-LOOKING COUPLE,” said the San Diego–based DJ hopped up on Jesus Juice.

“Hi, you must be a DJ,” I said trying not to overstate the obvious.

“GUILTY AS CHARGED. WE HAVE FOUR- AND SIX-HOUR PACKAGES FOR YOUR RECEPTION NEEDS. INSIDE, OUTSIDE, TOPSIDE, FLIPSIDE, WE AT JESUS-DJ’S ARE HERE TO CHRISTIAN ROCK YOU.” He was a fiery young man.

“Did you say Christian rock you?”

“WE BELIEVE IN HAVING A GOOD TIME, BUT WITHOUT ALL THE EXPLICIT LYRICS AND SEXUAL CONTENT. IF THE SAVIOR RETURNED, DO YOU THINK HE WOULD WANT MUSIC ABOUT ass and titties (this part was whispered) AT THAT PARTY?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him in a while,” I said, trying to unmatch his enthusiasm and quiet him.

“THE LORD IS BLESSING YOUR UNION. WHY SHOULD HE BE IGNORED AT THE RECEPTION? HE IS NOT THERE TO SERVE YOU. WE ARE HERE TO SERVE HIM. MUSIC IS THE INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE OF PRAISE. WE, HERE AT J-DJ’S, BELIEVE YOU DON’T NEED SINNERS TO THROW A GOOD PARTY, JUST TWO THOUSAND WATTS OF PRAISE POWER.” He was building to a crescendo.

“Yes, but can Jesus do “The Humpty Dance?” And can he do it in Indiana?” I asked.

“The Lord is everywhere, but his equipment doesn’t travel as well,” he said in a subdued tone.
- Drew Lloyd
From "Will You?" to "I Do.": A Groom's Tale of Survival