DIAGNOSIS: CRAFTIES - To Dine in Love

Since our table-naming convention had been ruthlessly stolen by Corey and Laura, we had to come up with something at least slightly different. (We were sticking to our goal of having every detail trounce everything that each guest had seen before.) Now, we needed to name our tables. And it had to be magical.

We went over a list of cities that we had been to, but they didn’t provide the level of intimacy we wanted. I tried to pitch the cat names again, Smoocher Pu, Snicker Puddle, (always pronounced poo), Puber Cakes, but I was vetoed.

We had done so much in Bloomington, at the beginning of our relationship, that it seemed to require a bigger table. Thankfully I didn’t have to create a spreadsheet that equated the relative significance of each phase of our life to a table size. The tables seated eight and only eight. We then began to look for the moments that were significant and where those moments took place. We first saw one another in Wal-Mart. That made it Table One. Now it was only a matter of which set of parents and, more importantly, which mother, in her finest attire, would be dining at Wal-Mart. We smiled like the Grinch when he crafted his masterful plan to steal Christmas. Not to leave any set of parents out, we quickly made Suburban Lanes, the bowling alley we first hung out at, Table Two. Where would you rather eat? At the all-powerful mega retailer, where the bargains are so thick it leaves a light film on your skin? Or at a place where you see baby carriers on pool tables, while Mommy kicks back a cold one with a Marlboro, and you wear the same shoes as hundreds of patrons before you?

After cackling for a while, we came up with a list for the tables. This took about an hour. Her job was done. All I had to do was create a wonderful quip about each location, determine a design for the table-naming card, estimate size, determine materials needed, choose a font, add a bit of flair, make it match our color scheme, print it, assemble the as yet undetermined design, package it safely for travel, and I would be done. I hadn’t been this crafty since I glued pasta and cereal to a paper plate in kindergarten and presented it to my mom as original art.
- Drew Lloyd
From "Will You?" to "I Do.": A Groom's Tale of Survival