PROFILING THE MOTHERS

The mothers are the ones with input to give. Christa was hit with about fifteen to twenty e‑mails a day for the first couple of months. Sometimes, for effect, the same idea was sent repeatedly, just in case the previous message hadn’t been opened yet. It seemed they needed refreshing every ten minutes, like diner coffee. I was saved from most of the influx, but did I hear about it.

The Mother of the Bride: Betty Ann Norris

Code Name: The MOB (M-O-B)

Catch Phrase: I’m the mother of the bride. I can do what I want.

Tactics: Sending multiple excessive single-paragraph e-mails containing the same message written numerous ways, needing immediate decisions on minor details, and writing to see if you read the previous e-mails containing the needed decisions. Here are some of her personal bests:

1. One e-mail, containing one paragraph, 19 sentences, and 8 subjects
2. A single e-mail in which an idea was submitted, then argued against, then reasserted, followed by a phone call three minutes later
3. Three e-mails in five minutes which documented a three-part conversation she had with herself

The Mother of the Groom: Patricia Everett Lloyd

Assigned Code Name: PL

Our Chosen Code Name: The MG (Master Gardener)—or PL, MG (i.e., The Doctor of Flora)

Catch Phrase: I have a suggestion…

Tactics: Offering every possible alternative solution to a given issue, even issues that have been decided, and slipping her Master Gardener designation and knowledge of flora into any discussion. For example:

“Have you decided on invitations yet?” the MG asked.

“No, but we…”

“Well, I was thinking we could grow some switchgrass and weave them. What is interesting about switchgrass is its hardiness and drought resistance. Also its durability when dried. Your guests could actually use your invitations as potholders or coasters. Just an idea!”

“I will make a note of it.”

Even worse were the group tactics, which consisted of e-mailing one another regarding decisions they had made for us as our “key advisors.” Once they were in agreement, they attacked from both flanks, most ardently when we had already selected another option for that particular decision.
- Drew Lloyd
From "Will You?" to "I Do.": A Groom's Tale of Survival