A DISEASE-FREE UNION

A prerequisite of getting married in Indiana was that the female in the proposed union be vaccinated for rubella (German measles). I would have to check the history logs, but I believe every child in the United States born after the “War of Northern Aggression” has been vaccinated for rubella during childhood. That was the only disease/ailment/medical issue that was a concern for the state of Indiana. I think this was an initiation prank for states joining the Union. Upon successful application for statehood, the leading senator selected a disease from a hat to be used as the first step of needless bureaucracy for their state. As luck would have it, Indiana got rubella.

The bad news was twofold. First, Christa’s pediatrician passed on several years back, and her immunization records had, inevitably, been misplaced over time, and copies had not been kept in the Norris household. Christa’s choices were to have blood drawn to confirm the vaccination or to be revaccinated to provide a record for the state of Indiana. The second piece of unpleasant news was that Christa hates needles coming towards her. She gets dizzy, sometimes blacks out, and occasionally speaks in limericks.

She assumed that she was vaccinated as a child, so she opted for the easier (that is, smaller and less painful) needle of a blood draw to confirm the vaccination Unfortunately, this test came back inconclusive, which was not good news, as she needed to get a booster. She got the shot about a week before the wedding. It was very painful, and she almost blacked out in the elevator leaving the doctor’s office.

“Why don’t you need a shot?” Christa complained.

“I am guessing that the government sees women only as the disease-carrying, dirty whores in Indiana.”

“Indiana is sexist, and its lawmakers are stupid men, who would change the requirement the second any one of them had to get a shot.”

“They probably did change it, but only for themselves,” I replied, just before realizing I probably shouldn’t have.

Thankfully, Christa was willing to go through with the agony of becoming a Hoosier wife.
- Drew Lloyd
From "Will You?" to "I Do.": A Groom's Tale of Survival